Hell is a Field Trip

So today I played Good Mommy and chaperoned my son's 3rd grade field trip. We, along with all the children grades 3-6 in our local school district (from 15 different grade schools), went to a college womens' basketball game. It all seemed so simple: load the kids onto buses, arrive at the game where boxed lunches would be waiting, watch the game and head back. *insert maniacal laughter from field trip gods*
I had five children in my group, including my son. I guess in hindsight, four out of five isn't bad...I just happened to sit down on the bus next to a little boy who immediately informed me he was a werewolf and wouldn't stop singing "Billie Jean". Super.
We were supposed to have lunches waiting for us when we arrived, but apparently the deli who was providing the food (and sponsoring the entire event!) HAD THE WRONG DAY. Ummm...would that not qualify as something you'd double check? Just sayin'. I'm guessing someone's ass was in a sling for that one.
Anyhoo, the result was that we didn't eat until the game was almost over at 1:45. Now I don't know if you've ever been surrounded by thousands of hungry grade schoolers, but let's just say that I'd rather take my chances in a tank of hungry sharks.
The game itself was a nail-biter but unfortunately our team lost in the final seconds. At that point the kids were becoming restless and the grown-ups were feeling their age after spending two hours on the hard bleachers. Ideally, this would've been our cue to leave. But as I said, this field trip was anything but ideal.
The Powers-That-Be decided to release schools individually so as to avoid chaos and confusion with busing. In theory, this is a swell idea, but when you're from the very last school to be called, it begins to seem downright evil. When all was said and done we sat for an additional hour and a half AFTER the game ended. Did I mention the thousands of restless grade schoolers??
We finally made it back and incredibly did so without losing a single child. For this you would think there would be some sort of prize, preferably involving vodka. But alas, we were set free with only a "Thanks for helping out!"
It's official. I'm running for the school board and my platform will consist entirely of eliminating field trips longer than thirty minutes in length and providing cocktails for all chaperones. Pretty sure I'll be voted president.