The sleep deprived ramblings of one full-time mom. I pretty much write to stay marginally sane and to make other moms feel better about themselves. You're welcome.

Saturday, January 16, 2010

Post-Traumatic Sleepover Disorder

My eight year old son went to an overnight birthday party last night. Clearly the mom is either completely unhinged or has an impressive stockpile of Xanex in her medicine cabinet, because there were SIX boys staying over, all of whom could be labeled "high energy" by their parents or "spastic little hellions" by anyone not related to them. Did I mention this is a single mom? Obviously the odds of her ending up bound and gagged in a closet were high.

She was taking them all to Kansas City to a restaurant called T-Rex which is basically a dinosaur-themed establishment whose sole purpose is to drain parents' savings accounts. Undoubtedly the boys were on their best behavior and were a shining example of decorum and manners. Miles called to let us know they made it safely back to his friend's house, so either the mom was still in the picture or they threw her in the trunk and took turns driving.

Then at 11:30 my husband received a text that read "pick me up. will is kicking me." Brian called Miles' cell and apparently in the two minute lag between the text and the phone call, the boys had made up and were once again BFFs. Unfortunately, this told us that not only were they still awake at almost midnight, they were still energetic enough to be violent.

I know this is all part of The Slumber Party Code which states that anyone attending must stay awake until he or she is so tired they feel like vomiting (I remember well staying up all night watching Breakin' 2: Electric Boogaloo and listening to Tiffany), but I also know my son and know that today will NOT be pretty. He can be a challenge on twelve hours of sleep, so when he's sleep-deprived it's rather like having a tiger in the house who has been caged and starved for weeks while being poked regularly with sharp sticks.

On that note, it's time to pick him up. I think I'll ask the mom if she has any extra Xanex...

Tuesday, January 12, 2010

Hell is a Field Trip

So today I played Good Mommy and chaperoned my son's 3rd grade field trip. We, along with all the children grades 3-6 in our local school district (from 15 different grade schools), went to a college womens' basketball game. It all seemed so simple: load the kids onto buses, arrive at the game where boxed lunches would be waiting, watch the game and head back. *insert maniacal laughter from field trip gods*
I had five children in my group, including my son. I guess in hindsight, four out of five isn't bad...I just happened to sit down on the bus next to a little boy who immediately informed me he was a werewolf and wouldn't stop singing "Billie Jean". Super.
We were supposed to have lunches waiting for us when we arrived, but apparently the deli who was providing the food (and sponsoring the entire event!) HAD THE WRONG DAY. Ummm...would that not qualify as something you'd double check? Just sayin'. I'm guessing someone's ass was in a sling for that one.
Anyhoo, the result was that we didn't eat until the game was almost over at 1:45. Now I don't know if you've ever been surrounded by thousands of hungry grade schoolers, but let's just say that I'd rather take my chances in a tank of hungry sharks.
The game itself was a nail-biter but unfortunately our team lost in the final seconds. At that point the kids were becoming restless and the grown-ups were feeling their age after spending two hours on the hard bleachers. Ideally, this would've been our cue to leave. But as I said, this field trip was anything but ideal.
The Powers-That-Be decided to release schools individually so as to avoid chaos and confusion with busing. In theory, this is a swell idea, but when you're from the very last school to be called, it begins to seem downright evil. When all was said and done we sat for an additional hour and a half AFTER the game ended. Did I mention the thousands of restless grade schoolers??
We finally made it back and incredibly did so without losing a single child. For this you would think there would be some sort of prize, preferably involving vodka. But alas, we were set free with only a "Thanks for helping out!"
It's official. I'm running for the school board and my platform will consist entirely of eliminating field trips longer than thirty minutes in length and providing cocktails for all chaperones. Pretty sure I'll be voted president.